Deidara's Birthday
by abarai-san
Summary: It's Deidara's birthday, and Itachi and Kisame have found the perfect present... well. SasoDei. M for safety XD


Warning: NC16 (this would be illogical. I'm not 16 yet, but hey…) constant POV (point of view)-switching, yaoi (SasoDei, ItaKisa), bondage… and foreplay? Sorry, no sex. Well, yes, sex, argh… You decide whether there is sex when you reach the end. ;p

Pre-AN: This is the re-post and update of my Deidara's birthday fic. I finally couldn't be bothered to post each individual chapter up (I'd typed out the whole thing at one go) so I'm putting the WHOLE THING up here. Yay! I separated each chapter with a line instead so don't go wondering why there are random illogical ANs in the middle of nowhere.

AN: Haha... ^_^" This was for Dei-kun's birthday... on the 5th of May... o.e so late I know. So I was looking through my notebook and I found this. I had written this ages ago and I forgot to finish it in time!!! TT3TT but anyway I couldn't wait for another year to post it.

I've been very worried about this fic. The more I read it, the worse it seemed to get… T_T but I had good fun writing this. Please R&R (read and review, not rest & relaxation, nor is it repair & replace, was it? XD) and no flames please. I've got clay bombs here. ;p If it seems that Itachi's kinda OOC, well… I thought he needed more life in him.

(P.S. Sasori's… uh, 'sweet spot' is his heart. The very logical idea came from laira87. From dA. www. laira87 .deviantart .com )

Sigh... hope you like it!

And, of course the characters are Masashi Kishimoto's, not mine. I'm just toying with them.

POV: Sasori

The sun was shining, the birds were chirping and a cool spring breeze drifted by. What a perfect day, Sasori thought, standing on the soft grass.

Poor him. He was so wrong.

He turned and stepped back into the Akatsuki headquarters, only to trip and fall over Itachi, who was lying on the floor.

"WTF?!" Sasori growled, rubbing his forehead as he sat up. "What are you doing there?" Sasori glanced at Itachi. Then, he frowned and took a closer look.

Itachi's neck was at an odd angle. A trickle of blood dripped from Itachi's his lips and his eyes were half closed, exposing only the whites. Sasori's eyes widened in horror.

"Oh my-"

Suddenly, strong arms seized him from behind in a chokehold arm lock. Itachi's body dissolved into ebony birds and Sasori heard the

Uchiha's voice:

"Gotcha~"

"What's going on?!?" Sasori cried as he was forced to his knees.

"Quiet, puppet." Sasori heard a smirk in Kisame's voice.

"Kisame?!?"

Itachi walked into Sasori's field of vision. "Looks like you've forgotten..." The Uchiha murmured, leaning close to Sasori's ear. "What day it is today..."

"Huh?"

"It's your Dei-chan's birthday, and you're going to be our present," Kisame said with a laugh that sent shivers down Sasori's spine.

The pair worked efficiently. Kisame smothered the lower half of Sasori's face with one huge hand and the other held Sasori's arms behind his back.

"Mmph?!" was all the redhead could say as Itachi undid the buttons on Sasori's coat. Kisame let go of Sasori's wrists so that Itachi could remove the coat and Sasori quickly took advantage of that, sliding his slim wrists between Kisame's fingers. Itachi was quicker. He slammed the heel of his hand into Sasori's heart container, making it slide out a couple of centimetres.

"Uurk!" Sasori's body convulsed, then the veins from his heart slowly pulled it back into place. Breathing heavily, he looked up into the Uchiha's crimson eyes. In turn, Itachi treated Sasori to his trademark 'sadistic demon' smile. Sasori swallowed. Just the look was enough- he didn't need Itachi to tell him 'don't try anything funny or your heart will end up on the floor'. Sasori sighed in defeat. Although he was a highly skilled ninja, he would be no match for both Itachi and Kisame.

Satisfied, the pair continued their job until Sasori was only in his pants. They had swapped places- Itachi covered Sasori's mouth and held the puppet's arms behind his back and Kisame knelt in front of Sasori. Kisame hesitated, fingers an inch away from Sasori's waistband. Sasori quickly twisted his legs together and glared at Kisame. Oh no you don't…

Kisame looked at Itachi for help, and the Uchiha clicked his tongue in annoyance. He shifted his hand from Sasori's mouth to his heart, slowly brushing his fingers over the kanji. Sasori shivered, but otherwise didn't change his position. Itachi frowned, suddenly increasing speed and pressure. Sasori gasped and jerked, and Kisame yanked Sasori's pants off in one fluid motion.

Still POV: Sasori

Haha~ things are gonna get hotter!

"Hoo-whee…" Kisame whistled. A scarlet blush started to darken Sasori's cheeks.

"Danna, un?" The three of them jumped at the sound of Deidara's voice.

"Damn," Itachi swore, clamping a hand over Sasori's mouth again.

"Give it here Kisame- I'll take care of this…" Something pink was tossed through the air and Itachi caught it between his teeth.

"Go!" Kisame hissed, then dashed down the hallway to delay Deidara. Sasori felt himself being dragged in the opposite direction.

It's just the Uchiha and me, Sasori realised. Maybe I can get myself out of this!

Sadly, before he could do so much as to come up with a way to get himself out of his predicament, two red orbs appeared before him and he was engulfed in darkness.

"You're in my Tsukyomi." Itachi's voice echoed in the genjutsu. "I'm not going to do anything to your mind because I can't have you screaming blue murder when your Dei-chan comes to collect his present." Sasori could almost hear a smirk in Itachi's voice.

It took Sasori a moment to remember that he was the 'present'.

There was a moment of silence as Itachi worked on Sasori. Since Sasori was still in the Tsukyomi, he had no idea what Itachi was doing to his body, but he knew it wouldn't be good.

Finally, Sasori was released from the genjutsu to find himself Deidara's bed, bound, gagged and each wrist tied to the bedpost on either side of his head with thick pink ribbon. He sighed. It would have been easy to escape, had the ribbon not been infused with Itachi's chakura.

"Heh heh," Itachi chuckled. "Perfect. Just one more thing to save Deidara some time…" He began to rub his fingers on Sasori's heart.

"Mmph! –huff- drng uff be ger –huff- ... (Aargh! –huff- Don't touch me there –huff- …)" Sasori moaned. Itachi ignored the puppet master's muffled pleas and continued to rub the kanji. The veins coming from Sasori's heart throbbed and steadily spread through his body, and feeling crept into his limbs. Itachi looked up suddenly, his sharingan spinning. He dragged his nails across Sasori's heart, causing Sasori to jerk, then the Uchiha ran and jumped out of the window.

Sasori breathed heavily, automatically but biologically unnecessary, mentally cursing Itachi.

POV: Itachi

This chapter is too short, so I combined it with the next two and also too-short chapters.

Itachi gathered chakura in his feet as he jumped, twisting his body in mid-air and stuck his feet to the wall. He walked over to the window of the room that he and Kisame shared and climbed in. He ignored the mess from last night, grabbed a piece of paper from the table and jumped out of the window. Landing lightly on the soft grass below, he dashed into the headquarters and up the stairs. Itachi rounded the corner and silently approached Kisame and Deidara from behind.

For some reason, Kisame had a bottle of sake in his hand and his arm around Deidara's neck as he slowly staggered forward, occasionally swerving to the left or right.

"Itachi is real good," Kisame slurred. "It was great fun last night with him!"

Itachi swallowed, cheeks burning at the memory of what happened last night. What the hell is that idiot doing?! He quickened his pace, then realised what Kisame was getting at. He also realised that whatever Kisame was trying to do was working.

POV: Deidara

Deidara wished that he'd worn a slightly looser pair of pants. Kisame's vivid description of… of… was turning him on, and his feeble protests and attempts to excuse himself were completely lost on his drunk comrade. What the hell? He thought, embarrassed. He would rather be back in the room/ workshop that he and Sasori shared, watching his danna work on his latest piece of 'art' that be stuck with this drunkard… He immediately regretted even thinking of Sasori. He forced the fantasies out of his head and took slow, deep breaths, trying to calm his wildly beating heart.

Kisame licked his lips. "And boy, does he have a tight ass!" He finished with a laugh. Deidara was too busy mopping up his nosebleed to notice Kisame's slap his behind.

No particular POV. Itachi, perhaps.

Itachi tapped on Kisame' shoulder. Kisame turned his head slightly so as not to bring Itachi's presence to his attention and winked, showing Itachi that he was very much sober. Itachi didn't know if he wanted to praise his partner for his quick thinking or to throttle him, so the Uchiha settled for clearing his throat, and Deidara spun around.

"Ah! Itachi-san…" Deidara was a little surprised. "Um, could you…?" he gestured to Kisame, whose intoxicated state seemed to magically clear up.

Itachi exchanged glances with his partner. Kisame patted Deidara's shoulder and grinned.

"Happy birthday!" he announced as Itachi stuck the piece of paper on the door of the room the artists shared. (Coincidentally, the trio had just stopped right there.) The paper read 'Happy birthday' and it had a lipstick lip-print (which Kisame had to beg Konan for) on it.

Deidara eyed it suspiciously. "Uh, thanks, un." He began to peel the paper off the door.

"No, idiot!" Kisame laughed, sticking the paper back down. "Your present is inside."

"Oh…" Deidara mumbled, a little embarrassed. He paused, hand on the doorknob. "This isn't some kind of trick is it, un?" He asked suspiciously.

"No no no, of course not," Itachi reassured him. "I'm sure you'll love it."

Deidara still looked unconvinced.

"I'll do it," Kisame sighed, twisting the doorknob and pushing open the door slightly.

"Mmph! Mmp-"

"Danna?!" Startled by Sasori's muffled cries, Deidara pushed the door all the way open.

POV: Itachi and/ or Kisame. XDD

Short chapter WHEEE~

"Itachi, Kisame…" Deidara didn't even look at the duo behind him. "Thank you." He walked in, stripping off his shirt as he went.

Kisame shut the door behind Deidara and turned to Itachi. There was a pause. Then, they burst into silent laughter.

"Brilliant," Itachi gasped, fighting back another wave of laughter. "Just brilliant." They paused again, and in the gap of silence they heard:

"Finally I get to be on top, un."

POV: Deidara

Inside the artists' room, Deidara stood in front of his bed only in his boxers. He gave Sasori a lustful look and climbed on. He ran his finger over Sasaori's smooth cold limbs and enjoyed the shivers he got in responce. Sasori flushed and shifted his position, giving Deidara a look.

A shaft of afternoon sunlight came through a gap in the curtains and fell across Sasori's eyes, accentuating the rich amber colour. Unable to resist any longer, Deidara slit the ribbon across Sasori's mouth and pressed his lips to Sasori's in a passionate kiss. Deidara ran his tongue inside Sasori's mouth, and Sasori timidly kissed back, not used to being uke. After a while, Deidara broke the kiss and licked Sasori's lips.

"You're mine," he said, and smirked.

Sorry to disappoint, folks, but that's all there is. Because, 1, I've written slashy yaoi once, I'm not going to be doing it again for a long time, 2, well, there actually is an ending, but it picks up after the hot stuff is over and therefore leaves a blank space to be filled up by your own, perverse imagination. ;P If there's enough demand for the ending chapter, I will consider putting it up.


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